From time to time I run a Facebook campaign to attract more bisexual guys to our community. One of my goals with Naked Gay Men is to build bridges between gay and bisexual men. I find the number of rabid comments, ignorant rants, and un-likes, that I receive from other gay men shocking. If anyone thinks it’s OK to hate I’m not sure he gets what this community is about. Some men believe that this community, and by extension Gay Guru (meaning me), should be for gay men only. I’ve never understood why gay men are proud of their bi-phobia.
Hate is hate. I get that may gay men, particularly those of us who are older, have had difficult, even heartbreaking experiences with bi men. Those experiences do not entitle you to hate all bisexuals. How do you feel when those same standards are applied to you? Doesn’t it hurt, and enrage, you when someone hates you because “All gays are evil”? Phobic behaviour towards bi men is the same.
Of course some of us have picked up queues from gay culture and have internalize bi-phobia without even realizing it. Some common misbeliefs among gay men are: bisexual don’t exist; bisexuals are selfish; you should never consider dating a bisexual guy; bisexuals will sleep with anyone who is willing; bisexual men are just closeted gay guys. We’ve all heard these things. If you agree with any of them it may be time examine your beliefs.
There are bisexual men in relationships with women, and others in relationships with men. There is no reason to believe that bi men are any less capable of sexual fidelity than gay men. After all people are attracted to others regardless of sexuality, gender, or marital status.
If you’re in an open relationship with a bi guy feeling insecure about his playing with a woman is about your insecurity, not him. If you can’t handle it then be honest and see if you can work out a solution. Most importantly deal with your insecurity with a coach, counsellor, or therapist. In fact, if he is looking for a woman to have casual sex with it would is much harder than you searching for another man for the same. If you’re in a monogamous relationship it will be no harder for him to stay faithful than it will be for you.
The point I’m trying to make is that we have a lot more in common with bisexual men than we think. In fact, if a straight guy was in a culture as sexually free as ours he would likely behave a lot more like a typical gay man than you might think.
You have a right to make you own decision about how you’re going to relate to bisexual men. But, before deciding, please question your assumptions, and see if there aren’t some negative, and false, ideas that you’ve picked up from other gay men. Then at least you’ll be giving our bisexual brothers a fair shot.