Continuing our discussion of the closet we’re going to be focusing on why it’s so important for bisexual married men to come out this week.
Coming Out Should Always Be on Your Terms
I can’t overemphasize the need to respect everyone’s right to come out on their own terms. I encourage people to come out because it’s such an important act of self-acceptance. It’s up to them when, and if, they do.
I’m also not talking about closeted gay men. Despite what many, believe bisexual men exist. Part of the reason I wrote this post is a sincere desire to have bi men be seen.
Hiding and Bisexual Men
The hiding dynamic we discussed last week may be more intense among gay men but it’s there for bisexual men. The moment you recognized same-sex attraction as part of your make up you went through the same emotions gay men do. You’re different, you don’t belong, there is something wrong with you. It may be easier for bi guys to hide and still feel authentic. But, that isn’t a good thing.
Your sexuality is an essential part of who you are. It can’t be changed. Whomever you’re in a relationship with, you’re still you. You may be perceived as gay if you’re with a man and straight if it’s a woman. That doesn’t change who you are.
Internalized Homophobia and Bisexual Men
Internalized homophobia is even more challenging for bisexual guys. If you’re fine with being perceived as straight but not so good when folks think you’re gay you have an issue that needs to be dealt with. That self-hatred is just as destructive for you as it is for a gay man. If you let it rule your life you’ll end up with the wrong person regardless of their gender.
I get that it’s tough. Whomever you’re starting a relationship with coming out can create real issues. Both straight women and gay men alike have all sorts of preconceived ideas about bisexual men. Being you means you’ll be doing a little education. But, those conversations will not only help you be better understood by your partner, they’ll also build critical self-acceptance.
Be Loved for Who You Really Are
If you aren’t open about who you are then the person you’re with doesn’t love the real you. That’s the reason you don’t feel seen in your relationships. Not being true to yourself makes it difficult to settle down. Bisexual people are no less able to maintain committed monogamous relationships than anyone else if that’s what they want. But, locking a part of you away in shame will eventually create temptation and likely cheating.
If you want to find lasting love with the right person it’s time to think about coming out to them. If she loves you but doesn’t know your bi, then she doesn’t love the real you. Your path to a happy healthy relationship with yourself, and your partner, is honesty.
Find someone who can truly love YOU. Move yourself beyond the misconceptions we all seem to hold about bisexuality and shine as your real beautiful self. You’ll be happier for it and you may have a positive impact on another man who is struggling.