Finding Love in the Age of Grindr

This month I’m writing about finding a long-term relationship in a world where hookup apps are the norm. Not everyone is looking for a quick lay. Some men are bored with sex as sport, others are unsatisfied with the sex they’ve been having and are looking for something else.

Sometimes your feelings are pushing you in the right direction. At others, not. On the positive side you could be ready for something different. But, it’s possible that shame is interfering with your enjoyment of sex. If you suspect emotional issues are the cause of your sudden change in attitude then talking it through with someone is the best place to start.

I’m not a huge fan of online hookups. Maybe it’s a generational thing. I love technology, but, prefer in person meeting. I enjoy the hunt more when I’m physically interacting. I’ve never gotten the same rush online.

Then there are the games. Humans are not as respectful of each other online. Men lie about their age, weight, body type, penis size, and even preferred sexual positions. It’s a game of who can I attract today. If people are just looking to get laid it’s no biggie. If you are looking for more it makes things difficult.

I’m all about energy and getting an energetic read in cyberspace has never worked for me. I was cruising online once and found a guy that seemed perfect. His pics were hot, we were sexually compatible, and the interest was mutual. He arrived, even better looking in person with a seriously hot body. Then we kissed. Nothing. It wasn’t going to work for me without a bit of fireworks. We put in down to sexual incompatibility. It was an energy mismatch.

So, even if someone is who they say they are, it doesn’t mean you’re a fit. If you want to date you may treat these casual hookups like interviews. It isn’t fair, to expect the guy you hooked up with to want more. Hookups are just that. Don’t bank on Grindr or Scruff as the best places to find a mate.
If the other guy declines a date, or another play session it doesn’t mean anything. He may just prefer to keep things casual. He may not be interested in dating. The issue may not be with you.

As gay bars and clubs disappear as alternatives where do you look? Everywhere. Groups you’re part of, dinner parties, walking in the park, people can meet in almost any context imaginable. We used to need safe spaces to connect in, that isn’t as true now. We need to learn to find each other in contexts that aren’t sexual, or even gay.

I’m not suggesting that you should abandon your online search for Mr. Right. It’s just important for you to be smart and realistic while you search online.