We’ve already spent a lot of time talking about gay relationships. This month let’s look at how important being your authentic self is when looking for love. Whether it’s your bisexuality, your love of kink, or your passion for drag, bringing your whole self to the table is the only way you can make a connection that will last.
Gay Relationships are About Whole People
All good relationships are between whole people. Anything less will create a superficial connection that can’t stand the test of time. If you hide an important part of who you are your potential mate doesn’t get the chance to love the real you. It can be scary to come out of hiding, but it’s always the right thing to do, eventually.
Timing Matters
Timing is important in relationships. Gay relationships are no different. Being overly open during the initial New Relationship Energy phase can derail the relationship before it even gets off the ground. It’s best to hold back a little. Wait until you’re ready for things to go to the next level, and then express your truth. During the first year of serious dating, it’s natural for you to be discovering things about each other. That’s the most appropriate time to bring your whole self to the table.
Know Yourself
Before you take the plunge make sure that you know yourself well enough to communicate clearly. You can’t expect someone else to understand you if you don’t understand yourself. Have an idea of what you want to say, and how, but don’t script.
Scripting makes you sound inauthentic, or like you’re ashamed of your truth. Pick a moment when it feels natural and let them know there’s something important you’d like to share. At the end of the conversation make sure you give them an opportunity to communicate how they feel about it and share anything they need to.
Be Prepared to Educate
Be prepared to do some education. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about gay relationships. It’s natural for someone to get curious and do some googling. If they find something inaccurate, explain what you need to and remind them that they can’t trust everything they read online. How you relate to, and express, who you really are is what should matter.
Honesty Doesn't Limit Your Pool
Will expressing yourself honestly limit your pool of potential partners? It might. But, that actually prevents you from wasting time on people who won’t love the real you. Many guys settle because they don’t really love themselves. If that’s you, do your work. Learn to appreciate your unique wonderful self. Then go out and find someone who’ll be amazed by you. Dating the wrong people just leads to unnecessary heartache for everyone.
What About Bisexuals
I’ve met a number of men who are only physically attracted to other guys but are more emotionally and physically interested in women. I’m sure there are times when that is a legitimate expression of their attraction dynamics. But, more often than not, it has more to do with their discomfort with being perceived as gay.
Often the issue is not self-acceptance, it’s discomfort with who you really are. The issue is most often called internalized homophobia. If you’re in that boat, look at the negative societal programming that may be preventing you from expressing yourself openly. True love with someone else is only possible if you accept and love yourself. Honesty is the only way you can know that the other person loves the real you.
Your Best Way to Find the Right Person
It may feel like being open and expressing your truth to potential partners will decrease the likelihood of finding the love you’re looking for. But, the truth is, that authenticity will ensure you find the right person, and relationship, for you.
If you’d like some help figuring out how to be more authentic with the person you’re dating join me for a free consultation. Just click the button below.