Now that You Know What You Want, and Who You Want … Where Do You Find Him?

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This month we’re continuing our conversation about relationships. Now that you’ve explored what you’re looking for, and who to be with, it’s time to get into action. That’s the most critical part of getting results. Wishful thinking, and positive energy won’t get you anywhere unless you’re ready to get out there and do something.

Now that you know where you’re headed it’s time to get out into the world. Yes, the online world counts too. But before you do that, let’s take a look at other options and decide which approaches, would work best for you. Of course, the more irons in the fire the better your chances so take on as much as you can.

Rather than starting with the obvious places, consider what you’re interested in. Could be hobbies, physical activities, even events from sports to theatre. I’m asking you to make a list of all of the things that you’re in to. Once you have the list zone in on the ones you’d really like to share with your man. Then it’s time to think about connecting.

There are a whole lot of options available to you; online and in person groups; meeting people at sporting or cultural events; etc. Recognizing your imitations is important. If you’re an introvert yore not that likely to randomly meet someone at the ballet. Consider how likely you’d be to to push out of that comfort zone. Do some research and commit to spending some time out there you can decide what fits. Then, get out there and participate.

When you do get out into the world remember that your primary focus should be participation. Otherwise you might seem rude, or kind of creepy. I remember attending a a gay ski week at Whistler mountain once. A large group met at the top of the mountain to split off based on skill level. A nice guy started talking to me and I was really enjoying the conversation. When my husband came up to join us I introduced them and the guy greeted him gruffly then walked away. It was clear that I was only interesting to him because he thought I was single. Not a great first impression.

The more you can just relax and be yourself the better you’ll do. If you like the group, or enjoy the event, then do more of that. You never know when he’ll show up. For some of us, me included, it feels more comfortable to bring a friend along to things like this. That can be fine, just be careful that you don’t close yourself off and make it difficult for you to approach someone or them to approach you.

Many people suggest that friends and family are a great places to turn to when looking for potential partners. That can be true but, I advise caution. The issue is that people need to know you really well, but also know your taste and what your looking for. Otherwise you can expect a lot of uncomfortable setups.

The demise of the gay bar has been really hard on people over forty. Bars were the places we came together. For me they were, and are, the best places to meet potential mates. You get to see a real person, not just a pic or video. You can get a sense of chemistry. You can also move in for the critical first kiss. That kiss was always my strongest predictor of compatibility. So, if you still have a gay watering hole in your area check it out.

Yes, social media, hookup sites, and apps are all viable places to meet someone. You’ll need to shift your focus, and your profile, if you’re using these venues to find hookups. I’m not saying that great relationships can’t start with some random fun, but the online world is mainly focused on only that. You may not get as much action if you’re open about what you’re looking for, but hopefully you’ll get the right action. Use sites and apps that are more oriented to someone looking for a relationship.

The most challenging thing about online connection is figuring out chemistry. I think your best strategy is to push for an in person meeting over coffee or a drink as soon as possible. Don’e waste time with people who are only interested in endless chat. It isn’t likely to lead anywhere.

The most important thing is to get yourself into action. Whatever that action might be. If you want to kickstart your search and explore how coaching can help you find Mr. Right. then sign up for your free Relationship Discovery Session here: